God Made My Tears...It Is Okay To Cry

God made my tears...it is okay to cry.

God made my emotions and feelings...it is okay to hurt.

But to dwell? I don't want to dwell. I want to walk and I want to walk Godward; I want to keep moving and pressing on. I do not want to dwell.

I am not pregnant.....Gosh darn-et!

Immediately after we had our IUI done, my husband asked me what percent I was (in thinking I was pregnant.) I told him 50/50 but with a little hope squeezed in. A little pessimistic because the 5 IUI's that we had in the past didn't work, but a little hopeful because we hadn't taken the Bravele and HCG shots before.

Hope...such an interesting word. Two hopes: earthly hope and heavenly hope. Merriam-Webster defines hope as "to cherish a desire with anticipation." In a worldly sense, we "hope" for a lot of things to happen. Money, love, friends, kids, life, gifts, even winning the lottery are all in the stew pot of hope. But what about the heavy things in life? The things that weigh us down? How does hope play in and where is hope resting?

What about the father or mother who is dying with cancer? Where is their hope? What about the family who has just buried their love one? What about the husband whose wife has left him? Or the wife who lives in the prison of her home? Or the 3 year old child with a brain tumor stealing his life away? What about the hope for him and his parents?

Every doctor and nurse that I have had in this process has made the same comment after each IUI. "Ready to get pregnant?" Hope. Earthly hope. Hope reliant upon the words of man. Words that are easily stripped away.

At some point, HOPE must turn into BELIEF and belief comes through TRUST and trust is knowing that your desire is going to be fulfilled. Heavenly hope. But what if the results of trust and believing and hoping DON'T result in your initial desire being fulfilled? What if the opposite happens?

What if I never get pregnant again? What if their cancer doesn't go away? What if the wife doesn't come back? And the woman? What if she never breaks free? What if the child...? We desire. We hope.

Six years ago, heck, six months ago I would have struggled with this. The desire for children is not selfish, nor are the desires for healing and life selfish. But what if the earthly answers we have for our trials take a different side than Truth? Where is our hope? What if the circumstance we face questions everything we have ever believed in? What then?

Psalm 51:6 "Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom

in the inmost place."

What if Truth is knowing the desire you once had now comes in second to a greater desire?

What if Psalm 37:4 is actually true?

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of your

heart."

What if your greatest desire becomes delighting in Him? What is your hope then?

What if God becomes our desire? What if our hope becomes seeing Jesus in our circumstance? What if JESUS becomes our HOPE? What if...all you want in life becomes Him?

God's word is littered with truth. It radiates through every page. His love screams to us, but the ears and the eyes of our heart are deaf and blind.

What is Truth?

God is within me, I will not fall. He will help me at the break of day. (Ps. 46:5)

God will sustain me, He will never let me fall. (Ps. 55:22)

God covers me under His wings. He is my refuge. (Ps. 91:4)

I will find strength and joy in God's dwelling. (1 Chr. 16:27)

My heart is my offering; I can come before God. (1 Chr. 16:29)

Many have gone before me and were counted faithful. I will persevere. (Heb. 11)

I will never be left without Peace when I know Truth. (Philippians 4:8-9)

In my willingness and obedience, I will eat from the best of the land. (Isa. 1:18-20)

If I believe, I will receive whatever I ask in prayer. I ask for Jesus. (Matt. 21:21-22)

If I remain in God, my Faith will not falter. (2 Pt. 1:5-8)

We all have to start somewhere. Truth is always the best place to start.