Life is heartbreaking...keep reading, you'll see.
So what am I most thankful for? Water. Living water. The kind of water that gives life to my soul. Let me back up...
There was a time when I was a teenager that I use to sneak out of the house and climb up on our roof at night just to look at the stars. (sorry mom and dad...I'm just full of surprises aren't I?) Houses in New Mexico have flat roofs so sitting rooftop is not uncommon. I even took Jason up there one year to watch fireworks on the 4th...such an amazing view of the city from a roof! Anyway...I fell in love with the stars. I loved going to the planetarium for school and loved learning about our solar system. I know this is making me sound smart, but, ya, not so much. I just loved taking it all in, and still do. So, now as an adult, I stand in dead of night and stare up at the star-lit sky every chance I can. I get lost in it. It's one of my most favorite times to talk to God. I often think about all those who stand under the same sky, asking the same questions, carrying on a conversation with God at the very same time. And I often think about how God hears every spoken word. Oh! and the planes! I love spotting planes among the stars. It's obvious as they twinkle through a black ocean above. Those are the moments I pray for the passengers and wonder about their lives, who they are going to see, what they are running from, or what they are running to. Who is on business and who can't wait to be greeted by a loved one. And then I wonder what they pray about or if they even pray. Then I realize that once that plane is beyond my sight, I no longer pray for them. Lame, I know. I think I'll change this.
Life is heartbreaking...keep reading, you'll see.
But I do think about those the Lord has presently placed in my path whether asked for or simply purposed. I've been waiting to share with you about the women God has brought in my life over the past 5 months. I think now is the time. Truth be told, I didn't ask for them, nor this ministry. In fact, I fought it. Refused it silently, and gave a firm NO when my husband asked, for fear that I was not equipped to do a ministry such as this. But, within this ministry, I'm seeing MORE of CHRIST and finding LESS of ME. And, to my surprise, I'm actually finding who I really am. That in itself is a scary process...and a story for another time.
Life Ministry. Is there such a thing? Churches are made up of women's ministry, mens, children's, youth, etc. But can we name it Life? There is no name for this ministry. My husband and I started a ministry a year ago called City on a Hill where we (a lot of us from the church, Living Word) come along side of our downtown community. Currently, we are working in this Women's Shelter (Bible study/home renovations), the Salvation Army (feeding ministry every Wednesday night/Bible study this coming January), Boys and Girl's Club, an Elementary school (reading program) and connecting with local pastors to provide training as they continue to shepherd their flock.
As far as the Women's Shelter, we just simply go in once a week and share the Truth of God's word, sharing light in a world of darkness, Bible study. From this, relationships have formed and what once may have been an effort, now comes as natural as calling my friends. I have learned so much from these women. I will say, though, that of all the studies I have either attended or led, I've never sat in one like this. Sitting inside the walls of the church is certainly uplifting and encouraging, sometimes a challenge, and most definitely in His presence, but there is something different about sitting in this shelter. Darkness is seen more clearly and the enemy's presence so thick, at times I struggle to breathe. LIGHT, oh but light. Light disperses the darkness and when they get it, understand it, see it, it's as if the angels sing the Hallelujah chorus.
Life is heartbreaking...keep reading, you'll see.
These women are beautiful. When laughter fills the room, we are graced with heavenly warmth. They don't come from money, nor do they drive any type of car or eat with kings. No, their home is temporary, they take the bus, run on foot for miles to pick up their children before the day care closes, and weep as they carry their heavy burdens with them to their beds, BUT they are beautiful, searching, and receptive. These women lay in bed at night wondering if their life has any meaning. (don't we all at times?) Gun shots sing a lullaby outside their windows and chatter is the hum they hear as drug deals happen 20 feet from their front door. They didn't ask for this life, but they are living it. Some will succeed. Some will be drawn back to their old ways.
It's heartbreaking when one leaves the home longing for their old life, choosing the world over hope. It's heartbreaking knowing that just steps from this shelter one woman chose to step back into bondage prostituting herself to pay the bills. It's heartbreaking knowing that those chains are so tightly bound around her, and it's heartbreaking to know that when God's Truth was spoken, mocking came from her mouth...and then she was gone. I miss her smile and that awkward laugh.
It's heartbreaking to never know the real name of one of the women for fear that her husband will find her and kill her. It's heartbreaking to know that her daughter fears the same thing. It's heartbreaking when they go on the run and you never see them again.
It's heartbreaking walking into a hostile situation not knowing why I was called or what I can do when I don't feel equipped. It's heartbreaking to see a 7 mo old baby girl crying on the floor with her mother slumped over in and out of consciousness. It's heartbreaking to hear harsh words spoken to those who love them and it's heartbreaking to look in the eyes of an addict laying on the floor who desperately wants the truth of God's word but the enemy keeps snatching it away. It's heartbreaking walking into the treatment center only to hear the words, "we have no patient under that name." She's gone. The baby is safe, but she's gone.
It's heartbreaking to see a 3 year old boy wonder where his next meal will come from. It's heartbreaking to see his mother struggle through long nights, wishing life would end. It's heartbreaking watching her wrestle through self and miss the light.
It's heartbreaking.
But HE WHO PROMISED, IS FAITHFUL...
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23
Christ is our hope. His word does not return void. We plant the seeds. Others water. God makes it grow. (1 Corinthians 3:6)
The truth is, this last year has been my hardest yet, but it is one that I can genuinely say I have grown the most in. I wouldn't trade a minute of it. I went into this ministry downtown kicking and screaming, but I have found myself and I have received more grace than I ever have deserved.
I have so much to be thankful for: an unbelievable husband, the sweetest, most darling little girl, a wonderful family, dear friends, and the greatest of all, CHRIST, the LIVING WATER. I asked Christ to be my Savior when I was a child, but it hasn't been until recently that I've seen the depth of his love for me. His intercession in my life has caused me to see that he is willing to go above and beyond for me, simply because that's how much he loves me.
"Whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." (John 4:14)
beautiful... and in heartbreak, we have hope because the Potter who saw fit to break the pieces can re-craft them and design them better than before. Oh Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours!
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